Perhaps it was the drinking that resumed on the First of February. Or maybe it was the noxious flu. Or maybe it was the temper tantrum I had at the wine shop.
Either way. I quit this "$500 budget for February" bullshit.
I admit it. I'm a quitter. I can't keep track of the dollars flying out of the wallet, I hate the restriction, and I don't have time to think about it.
All these thoughts make me sick. You know why? Because I know that families of 10 live on less than $500 in a month, or maybe in a year. Sick because I know I'm simply being a spoiled brat about the whole thing. Sick because I hate spoiled brats and I'm being one. Sick because, well, I did have a fever...does that maybe explain it?
And a cheater!
What disturbs me is how much, in the last year, I've become a consumer. I want to spend spend spend. It's not like I want a Rolls Royce (but I wouldn't object) or to spend my $500 on a single pair of shoes (but I would on 2 cases of wine!). The problem is I can't stop thinking about all the things I want to buy. I'm telling you, it's not obsessive. It's worse. It's subtle. And I feel entitled. Entitled do whatever I want.
Ever since I said I'd keep to the $500 budget I've been devising ways of cheating. What if I order it now and it arrives after the leap year? What if I make someone else pay for it and pay them back? Not since 7th grade history class have I wanted to cheat so much.
I think I have a problem. And I'm a big fat gluttonous quitter. What do you think about that?
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2 comments:
rehab is for quitters !!
And you deserve $600 shoes.
you're no quitter--you just deserve a comfortable lifestyle because you have worked hard to not have to try and support your 10 kids on $500! despite the fact that we cheated our way through history (and geometry?), you have still become a success and you don't have to deny yourself the finer things in life. rejoice in the fact that if you really were a quitter, you would be trying to survive on $500 a month. eat, drink and celebrate your successes! love ya, Lanky
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